She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
