I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
