Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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