what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
