soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
