Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
