Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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