I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
