I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
