This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
