whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
