Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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