Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
