is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
