"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
