maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come on in and take your pants off
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