Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
