Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
