I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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