Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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