You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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