So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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