She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
