I heard we made out
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
