i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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