she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
