U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
