very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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