i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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