Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Holy shit dude........stairs
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