so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
my liver is dry heaving
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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