He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
