Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
