I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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