The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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