I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
