like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
