just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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