maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
