Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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