the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
