either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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