Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
