the condom got lost in my hair
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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