first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
