i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
