I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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