I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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