where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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