one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am one with the molecules
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
