this just has baby written all over it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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