your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
