God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
