Cold hands, warm shart.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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