Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
