The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
this boner is exhausting
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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