1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
