Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
