Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
