so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
