First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
