You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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