$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I believe in your delicious
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