Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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