I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
