Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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