we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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