So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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