Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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