another moral hangover. fuck.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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