i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
