The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
