I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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