The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
